This especially comes up when I need to pack to move. I am, as my father and mother can both attest, the absolute WORST at packing. It's a bit of a struggle for me, too, as I have a bit of wanderlust in my blood and generally don't stay in the same place for very long and so packing is sort of necessary. Even in packing for a vacation, I generally do it the night before I leave.
But when it comes to planning and leading worship, I LOVE planning. I love fitting details together. I love figuring out how to incorporate intergenerational worship with old songs with new songs with global songs with making sure that our worship is a true dialogue between God, the Body, and each other. I love figuring these things out WAY in advance. It gives me a special kind of adrenaline rush.
And then comes the Spirit.
Communicating with the Spirit also gives me a special kind of adrenaline rush, but when it comes to last-minute changes and the Spirit nudging me and nudging me and nudging me to change things, I sometimes get frustrated - I planned. I prayed. I worked hard to make sure everything fit together and all of a sudden, the Spirit comes up and says, "Well, that's a nice little puzzle you got there, but it's the wrong puzzle."
"It's the what?"
"It's the wrong puzzle. For all intents and purposes, it's a good looking puzzle. The pieces fit. Except for the fact that I want to push you a completely different direction."
"But it's Saturday. I'm supposed to not be doing anything."
"Just. Trust. That's all I ask you to do. Trust and obey."
And that's where I currently find myself - still in my pajamas, in my office, fitting together a different puzzle.
Because if I've learned anything in all my years of schooling and in the eight months of experience here at a Church, it's that if I push MY will in front of God's will, God will still speak (because He even works in my inadequacies), but I'll end up frustrated on Sunday morning instead of truly worshipping.
And if I've learned anything in life, it's that God's plan is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS better than my own.
There's this myth that goes around that all worship leaders do is put together a list of their favorite songs and play them every Sunday - and while that may be true for some, it's not true for all. Some of us work hard planning, praying, and jigsaw puzzling to make sure that the music in the service accents the Scripture and the sermon. And yet, there comes times like these where it seems as if I'm changing everything on a Saturday anyways, what's the point of working 40 hours a week?
I don't control when or how the Spirit moves. My only responsibility is to respond in kind to it. And after feeling uncomfortable with the service and then only having one other person show up for practice on Thursday, I started seeing the signs. And then while planning prayer stations for the service, I realized that there were themes that I completely missed while reading the Scripture the first time and going through the sermon outline. And I could ignore the nudgings no longer.
No matter how much I complain about coming in to work on a Saturday, I am forever grateful that the Spirit does move and lets me know when I need to change.
Because it continually reminds me that I am not in control. And that God will do what God will do - especially when we pray for His will to be done. We just have to be ready and willing to continue to do what God wills. To move, even when we feel like spending an entire day watching TV and relaxing. To put aside our comfort for His glory. To listen. To trust and obey.
